Well, I haven't written in a long time. Most days, I grab my computer with every intention to write a post. The problem is I have to much to say and end up saying nothing.
Today however, my eldest son gave me reason to post. I guess the best place to start is last Friday. He came home from school with some friends and complained about a kid in his class who had been picking on him during the week. The kid is in his grade, but small; about two inches and 40 pounds smaller than little son. Big son told him to knock it off and if he didn't big son would smack him. Now, big son and this kids have been kind of friends since 6th grade. They both play football, they have the same friends, classes together, but they don't hang out with each other after school and weekends. Both boys were going to a party Friday night at one of Big Son's friends house. I asked him how it went with the kid and he said it was fine, he didn't say anything.
Fast forward to today. Big Son comes home after school, runs in the house calling me. Tells me that the kid started in with him this morning and Big Son told him again to stop or he would get smacked. Well, on the way to the bus, the kid started saying things again. Big Son's friends (who are also friends with this kid) told him to knock it off, he wasn't funny and that he would get smacked if he didn't stop. He didn't stop and Big Son turned around and punched him. The kid fell down and started crying. Then he got up and and as Big Son was walking away, he tried to pull Big Son's backpack. Big Son's friends pushed him away and told him to lay off or someone else might punch him.
I stood there looking at him with my mouth open, shocked that he punched someone (besides his brother). I asked him if the kid was ok and where he got punched. Big Son said he was probably ok, but since he punched the kid in the stomache, he might have a problem with his ribs. I asked him why he punched him in the stomache and he said that he did that because he really didn't want to hurt the kid, only get him to back off, but he thinks he hit him harder than he was planning on.
So now I ask if he realizes that probably tomorrow he will be in the principal's office and that there is a good chance that he will get suspended. He says he knows, but at least nobody will pick on him or say anything to him anymore. I asked if kids pick on him alot and he gives me a look like I'm stupid and says no, but that this kid was saying he was fat, needed to go on a diet, that he wouldn't seem so big if he wasn't so fat, he isn't strong; only fat, etc. I then tell him that he will probably get punished at home also and that he has to tell his father what happened. He doesn't want to tell his father, doesn't want his father to know because he won't listen and probably just blow up at him. I had to explain to him that if he didn't say anything, I would have to because his father needs to know what is going on also and that it would be better if he told the story. I asked him why he told me and he said that he knew I would listen and then ask a lot of questions then maybe yell at him.
The phone has rung 9 times so far from his friends calling to talk about what happened. I told Big Son that he shouldn't be proud of himself because he hurt someone and that it would be better if him and his friends just drop it.
Now, do I punish him? His feeling is that he was defending himself because the kid was "bullying" him, that he gave the kid warning to stop. What he did was wrong, but I can understand his feelings. I know that I have to do something to him for what he did, but I don't know what.
1 comment:
Since you have known the family for a while, maybe you could call together, he could apologize, but you could also tell the parents what their son was doing to get punched. I would still punish your own son though, he will think it is OK if you don't do something.
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