Survival

Yes, I survived spring vacation!!! Once the boys got over the fact that EVERYONE was away but them, we had a good time. Mostly we did yard work, but the good kind. Planting flowers. They actually are good at helping me do that. They also rode their motorcycles a lot. One day we had a great day going for a ride in the afternoon. It was about a 4 hour ride. They took me to see all the cool sights and views that they found with eachother throughout the week. We even had a picnic up on a mountain.

At night, the boys and husband went back into the woods to turkey hunt. Yes, that's right, turkey hunt. Husband and little son had gone to Cabella's and there was a demonstration on how to turkey hunt and had to deal with the turkey after you kill it. They came home with turkey callers, a fake turkey, camo underarmor, and a book on how to clean and cook a turkey. Gross, I know. Little son had gotten out of the truck and said, "Mom, get those vegetables in the garden, we have to live off the land now. Dad is making us go hunting." Now, my boys like the "idea" of going hunting. Walking through the woods with their BB guns (Not average BB guns, they can shoot a BB through a piece of plywood and into a tree at 75 yards away), talking to Husband, and shooting at little things running through the woods. I don't think they would enjoy actually having to deal with an animal after they shot it. Especially little son. Big son helped Husband a couple of years ago when he shot a dear. And big son will shoot an animal when the dog catches them. But a large animal? I don't know.

Boys Weekend (again)

Well, since there is no racing this weekend, no school events, and our spring break is next week, guess whose house everyone is at. THATs RIGHT!!! Mine. Actually though, it isn't bad. Big Son and his friends have actually been really quiet compared to the way the usually are (probably still getting over that Philly trip) and Little Son and his friends are so cute that they never bother me. Husband and I realized that it has been peaceful due to the fact that 2 of the usually kids over with Big Son aren't here. We always thought they were the problem, but now we know. The older and younger kids are getting along great together and even playing basketball and using the trampoline with no issues. Little Son's friends are so funny. They are practically glowing from hanging out with the 8th graders. From what the 6th graders tell me, the older kids talk to them in school too and it seems to make them feel important. And believe it or not the 8th graders seem to watch out for the younger ones in their own way. For once, I'm not stressed with having 9 kids over. The house is still clean, no fights, no running throughout the house.

It is driving me crazy not having my camera. Tomorrow I'm taking it to see if it can be fixed. I really hope so.

Big Son's Vacation

Big Son came home last night from his Philly trip. I had to chuckle to myself on the ride home. He had his head leaning on the window. When I asked him if he was OK, he said "I'm so tired I can't hold my head up. What were they thinking making us wake up at 5:45 am and staying out until 11:00." I asked if he had a good time and he answered yes, but they didn't give him enough time to look at what he wanted. The class went on a dinner cruise of the harbour and saw the battleships, fighter jets, etc. Big Son was disappointed that they didn't tour them. He asked, Why go and see them from a boat and not in person? He loved the tour of a fort, the mint, George Washington's house, and the Liberty Bell. He couldn't believe the monuments throughout the city to Rocky. He got a really good picture of him on the "Rocky Steps" along side of the statue. Him and his friends had fun running up the steps singing the Rocky theme song.

Tonight he finally admitted that he was glad I made him go on the trip. He was a little pe'od that he had to go to school today. He said that there were no more than 10 kids in each of his classes today. The only advantage that he got was in each class the teacher's gave a quizz on the trip which counts toward's his grade for the semester. No make ups. He was very excited about that. Plus 5 bonus points were given to each kid in class today.

Not having my camera is KILLING ME. I told my husband tonight that I need to either get it fixed tomorrow or get a new one. You never realize how much is missed until you don't have a camera. I never go anywhere without it. It is almost a lifeline.

This week has been busy. My sister came down on Sunday, and I went with her and my nieces to NYC on Monday. We went to the American Girl Store. Dolls really aren't my thing, but the girls had so much fun. We had lunch at their resturant, and let me tell you, I was shocked. It was much nicer than I expected. It was set up to be like a "ladies lunch". Very good. I'd recommend it to anyone. After that we walked around Times Square and saw the Naked Cowboy. Tuesday we went to Build a Bear and Big Son left on his 8th grade trip to Philly. He wasn't to excited to go, but I know it will be something that he will remember and at some point be happy that he went.

Little Son told us last night that he felt like an only child and missed his brother. That was a shock because lately it feels like all they do is argue. Well, Big Son comes home this afternoon and I'm sure the fighting will start this evening.

Boy's "Time of the Month"

However said that teenage boys will be easy never had any. I've come to realize that yes, boys get their period too. Mine must have it now. It started this morning at 6:25 am. I was really enterprising and made pancake "donuts" last night. All I had to do this morning was heat them up, shoot syrup inside and sprinkle with confectioner's sugar. Boys came down and little son was happy. Big son comes down and makes a face. Now, he had a couple last night, loved them, and asked for them this morning. Big son asks what's for breakfast. I told him. Another face and then "No, I'm not eating that." OK. Well, I say, there is time for me to make a scrambled egg for you. No. Ok. "What do you want", I ask. What is there. Now, I felt like saying the same thing as every day, but I had a feeling on where this was going. There is cereal, donuts, poptarts, toast, eggs, pancake donuts. I get a look. "Jesus, there is never anything for breakfast in this house." Husband, being the brave man he is was peeking around the kitchen doorway. Obviously he knew where this was headed. Ok, I say, sorry there is nothing you like. Just remember you wanted the pancake donuts for today. Another look, a huff, and back upstairs he goes. 6:50. Big Son comes back downstairs. Husband braved the turbulance and was in the kitchen. "I'll have a scrambled egg with toast." Husband laughs. I say, the bus is comming in 10 minutes, there isn't enough time now. Big Son: FINE! I'll go to school hungry while sugarbaby (his nickname for baby son) got to eat. Husband and I just looked at each other and said "goodbye, have a nice day."



2:50: School bus has brought the boys home. Big Son comes up to me and says, "Hey mom, remember when I asked if two friends could sleep over the night before the Philly trip?" Yes, I say, but I also told you no because it was a school night, grandma and grandpa and Aunt Rebecca were comming over, I was going to be in NYC during the day, and I want to spend time with you before you go with no friends. "Well, I invited 2 friends over anyway". Huh. Well, I said, you are going to have to uninvite them because they are not welcomed that night. I walk out the door just at the right time. Inside is banging yelling and pounding up the stairs.



4:30: "When is dad going to be here to bring my dirtbike to be fixed" I don't know, maybe after work. "This is just great. Doesn't he know I have things to do tonight." Like what, I ask. "Mom, please, just call your husband and tell him I'm waiting for him." Huh. I knew husband was on his way home to go with him. Husband walks in the door and calls Big Son. How can I take you and your dirtbike if you haven't washed it yet? Big Son: "Dad, that is why it is a dirt bike. It is suppose to get dirty. You can wash it while I change my cloths." Husband looks at me. I raise my eyebrow. Husband: How about you get outside, wash your bike, get it in the truck and I'll take you. Or you can go to your room, get your computer and your IPod while I grab your cloths and we'l throw them out the window for talking to me like that. Big Son looks at husband, huffs and goes outside. Before they leave, husband comes in to say goodbye. Big son is behind him and asks what's for dinner. London Broil. "God, since you don't do anything during the day, you could at least make something good for dinner." Walks out. I think I'm going crazy. This can not be my son. What happened in the last 24 hours? Can't even blame it on school since he woke up this way!!

6:15: Husband and Big Son get home. Big Son walks in the door. "Hi Mommy, when's dinner" Soon. "OK, I'm going to finish my homework. Love you." What? This is not the boy who left. Husband walks in the door and I ask him if he talked to Big Son. No. All he said was Big Son better watch how he talks to me or else he'll have to deal with Husband. Ok.

6:45: Big Son: Mom and Dad, could you please buy me a portable DVD player to take on the bus to Philly so my friends and I can watch movies. Husband: can't you load movies onto your IPOD? Big Son: Yes, but then my friends can't watch with me. Husband: Well, then I guess they will have to watch the bus movies or download their own moview to their IPODs. Big Son: You guys are so selfish. You don't care what is important to me. Husband: Not if it includes making your friends happy. Big Son: God dad, don't you remember having friends? Pounding up the stairs. Eyebrows raised between Husband and myself.

7:oo: Big Son: Mom dinner is great. Thank you. Me to myself: Isn't this the kid who said dinner was going to be horrible? To Son: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoy it. Big Son: Yeah, I just don't understand what you do all day. This dinner is OK for a working family.

Huh. I guess it is time to implement the "This is what life is like if Mom worked." I did this once before, about 2 years ago. What it means is this. In the morning, breakfast is cereal while I "pretend" I'm getting ready for work. I leave the house at 6:45, like I did when I worked. After school, they have to take care of themselves, no talking to me, like if I wasn't there. No help with homework, settleing fights, no motorcycles. NOTHING. Then at 6:00, I open then close the door and say MOM's HOME. Then I start to ask about their day, if they need help with homework and start cooking dinner. Which is chicken nuggets and french fries. The last time, Big Son was vurious. Hated taht day. Yeah, I think Thursday of this week will be a Mom is Working Day.

Love

I was thinking today what it means to be married and still actually love your spouse. When you get married, everything is so new; almost an adventure. Your learning how to live with someone, to take care of somebody besides yourself. If you are like me, your also learning how to cook, clean, and do laundry. Of course there are fights. But it was so much fun to just be with my husband. To do things whenever we wanted. Everything feels new again.


Then, if your lucky, you have children. It's scary and exciting. Now there is a new bond with your husband. A new life that you created and it is just so amazing to think that out of your love a new person will walk the world. The baby is born, and the husband/wife roll takes on a bigger responsibility. When Big Son was born, Husband told me he was never so scared in his life as during delivery. He said it was the first time he felt helpless with me. That he had to rely on someone else to make sure baby and I were OK. Then,the adjustments begin once again. Learning how to care for a baby and also for each other. But, to me, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing your husband hold his babies. He always seems to be just a little bit more gentle, afraid to hurt them. Little comments take on a whole new meaning. The fights/arguments mean more now because there is a child involved. But, as a couple, you grow with your child. You learn how to appreciate the carnivals, parades, parties, being with family and friends through your child. "Couple" time seems to be put to the side because of your children and what it takes to raise them. If you extra lucky, more children join the family. Sometimes there is regret, wishing you could have more children. But your husband is there, holding your hand and comforting you when you cry over the children you didn't have. He reminds you of what you have.



Then you arrive at the point Husband and I are at now. Our boys are establishing their own identifies. They have their own life. Friends are now a constant in their life. The phone rings non stop in this house. But, Husband and I are on a common ground on how to raise the boys. He doesn't need to have a talk with me if the boys ask him to do something. We are on the same playing field. Some people may not understand why I married my husband and why we are still together. Yes, sometimes he makes odd comments, may say something at the wrong time, and appear to be more occupied with himself than anyone else. But he has been so good to me. He has always taken care of me and our boys. He is without a doubt the best friend I've ever had. The most amazing thing is that after almost 17 years of marriage, we can still talk to each other. When we are out to dinner, there is constant conversation between us. At home, sometimes the boys get annoyed because Husband and I are talking for awhile and he tells them they have to wait.

As our boys get older, I wish for the days when they were little. But I also see a new future with my husband. A new step. Standing beside each other as we watch our boys accomplishments, failures and disappointments.

My Sister

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. I don't remember our mother being pregnant. I don't remember my sister being born. But I should. I was 4 1/2. I do remember moving to our new apartment. I don't know why I don't remember my sister when she was a baby. I do remember my mom holding a baby and crying. It had to be my sister. My sister had dislocated hips when she was a baby. I remember when my sister could crawl and laughing at how her hips in their cast could pull anything in their path with them. I also remember my mom telling me to stay away and not put toys in front of her legs. Did I spend a lot of time with my grandparents because of Dr. visits? Who knows. There is so much about my sister I don't remember. I do remember waking up and seeing my mom and dad watching my sister sleep in her crib. My dad always had my mom my the waist with her head on her shoulder. He would always help her out of the room. They would both be crying.

What I do remember is my sister doing things and saying things I wish I could. I can remember my sister, as young as 4 or 5 saying something to our parents or grandparents and holding my breath because she was going to get in trouble. No, everyone laughed. I can remember my sister's spirit and outspokenness. How I wished I could be like her, my little sister. I would try so hard to make people happy and here comes my sister. Herself. She would always say her peace. Sometimes it wasn't peaceful. But that was my sister.

I remember when my sister had her surgery. The first one. I was working at UPS and wanted to take a sick day. My mom said no, I didn't need to be there, it was for her, my dad and sister. Maybe those weren't the exact words said, but it was understood. I called the hospital about 8 times throughout the day paging my parents. I remember driving home at 5:00 crying because I didn't know if my sister was OK. I never felt so alone as I did when I walked into our house. I felt like an outsider. Then finally a call from my parents that my sister was fine. When I saw my little sister in the hospital, unable to move, hooked up to tubes, crying without knowing it, I realized I was never there for her. I never realized how much pain she was in. How I could have helped her, been a friend; but never was. I was so scared listening to her give herself Morphine. Listening to her dreams. My parents looked beated. Our Grandfather went to visit her and cried to me about what he saw. I never saw my Grandfather cry. It was hard; but it tested our family strength and we were stronger.

As scary as my sister's hip surgeries and recovery was, nothing prepared me for the next hurdle my sister had to conquer. My baby son was being Baptised and my sister came home from Arkansas to be his Godmother. Husband was so excited the night before because he said my sister was going to announce the next day, during the party, that she was pregnant. She never did. She went home and it felt like the next day she called my parents and said that she had a TUMOR. A big one. Another hurdle for my little sister had to go through. I can remember picking up my kids after work that day and my parents telling me that my sister had a 10lb. tumor. I'm going I told them. Help Husband with the kids, but I need to be with her. I couldn't stop crying. I was scared for her. I was scared of losing my sister. I didn't want her to be alone. No my mom said. It isn't your place, I'll go. Again. At this point, I felt like I wasn't suppose to support her. I felt like I NEED TO BE WITH MY SISTER, please let me. I did go to Arkansas to see her. After my mom came home. I brought my kids, which I always felt sorry about because my sister was in no condition to have 2 kids 3 and 1 at her house.

Since then, I feel closer to my sister. Maybe because we are both grown. I've always loved her and her spirit. I wish I saw her more. Her daughters remind me so much of me and her. Miss Mouse is quiet. Until a point. Like me. She needs to feel comfortable. Middle Mouse makes me laugh. She is so much like my sister. Whenever I see her I encourage her. I love to see my sister's spirit live on. Baby Mouse is just adorable. She will definitely keep Miss and Middle in line. I can't believe I have 3 beautiful nieces who have such different personalities.

Happy Birthday Sister. I love you. Look tomorrow for special pictures.