halloween

Well, Halloween is not the same when you have teenagers. There is no more carving pumpkins (THE FIRST YEAR!!!), no more excitement over getting dressed up and getting candy. No, this year was a little sedate. The boys did have their friends over, and then they all went to friends houses in town. One of Little Son's friends mother came over and hung out and then drove that group. I drove Big Son and his friends. As we were driving to his friends house, he said, "Mom, look at these little kids and their costumes. (Little Son) and I always had better costumes." It's true. My Grandmother and I (mostly her) made the costumes. It could have been a clown, or a teletubbie, they were all great.

Both boys and friends were home by 9:30, and Big Son and his friends went downstairs. Little Son and his friends went upstairs. at 10:00 I went downstairs to put wash in, and all the 15 year olds were so asleep they were snoring. Little Son and his friends were on their way outside to play manhunt. Now, at 12:15 they are finally coming inside and going upstairs to hopefully sleep.

Although it was a little crazy today/tonight, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the fact that the boys have their friends over and that their friends feel comfortable with Husband and I. Sometimes it does get a little overwhelming, but my feeling is that if they have their friends here, I can get to know them and know who to trust and who not to. The hardest part of being a parent of teenagers is that I'm not ready for it, but then again, who is? Your children are totally different in kindergarten then when they are in Jr. High and High School. The big difference is HORMONES!!! It makes you understand what your parents went through and what you acted like. That is why, to me, it is important to know your child's friends. It will give you a very good perspective on who your children are and what their personalities are.

Tomorrow is another big day. Little Son has a party to go to and Big Son and I have our "monthly date". There is one day a month I take each boy, on their own, and do whatever they want. It can be a movie, lunch, walk through Mt. kisco, walk around the mall, or whatever. The only requirement is that we have to spend the time together and talk and it is a minimum of 2 hours. I started doing this 2 years ago and it is great because sometimes, on those days, they will be more willing to talk because whatever they say isn't a "family" discussion. I made a deal with them if they talk or ask advise on something that otherwise they wouldn't, I would tell them something about growing up that I wouldn't usually tell them. Yes, I also explain how I learned from a mistake, but when this conversation comes up, for the most part, they want to know what it was like when I grew up and what I did.

Both boys had football games this week. Thankfully they weren't on the same day like last week. It was freezing though. Big Son played in the rain. Little Son in the wind. Big Son's team won and he was able to play different positions than what he usually does. Little Son's practice ended early and since it was a "home" game, he was able to watch Big Son and his friends. The next day, Little Son got to play full back, a position he was hoping to play all year. He gained a total of 57 yards in the first half. Then the 2nd string went in and the team lost. Big Son was able to come to his game, along with his whole team. The coach ended practice early and they all came in pads to watch the game. They took a knee on the side lines and cheered the 7th grade on. Of course, when Little Son ran for 15 yards they all stood up and cheered. I could feel Little Sons smile through his helmet when he heard them.

Tomorrow is going to be so busy. Both boys are having their friends over after school (NO PRACTICE!!) to get ready for that night. Thankfully a parent is coming over to help me drive them all into town to "trick or treat". Yes, I know what some of you are thinking. But the town closes the roads and has cops all over for the kids. The houses on the back side of town go all out in decorating and so do the stores. Also, the parents tend to get together and walk around "observing". There will probably be about 100 or more people around. Then all the boys are coming back to my house to sleep over. So I will be having about 13 kids at my house tomorrow night. Wish me luck

Well, I've been sitting and staring at this screen wondering what to write. I know that I will not be writing what I really am feeling. I like to think that I have too much compassion for other people and their feelings to write or say something that will hurt them. I will probably at some point explain the hurt and anger that I'm feeling, but right now it is to fresh and I will not be a bitter and mean person.

So, another good weekend seeing my family. The boys got to see their cousins again with some more added in. It is amazing how good they all get along especially when you factor in the age differences and the amount of times a year they all actually get together. It was to bad that it was not great weather and ended up raining in the afternoon, but they all kept busy. So, what do you do when you are beginning to get bored and you have a 15 year old cousin around? They all got their jabs and choke holds in. Some got piggy back rides. They seemed to be having fun.

I was finally able to get Big Son to the mall to try on jeans. I bought him 2 pairs before school started, but only one still fits. Little Son only had one pair left because one pair got taken out of his gym locker. Plus, since they have gym outside until Thanksgiving, sometimes first period, they needed sweatpants. So, even though it wasn't the time of year I wanted to go cloths shopping, it was Necessary so the boys had cloths that fit.

Grandma's Weekend

Over the weekend I took the boys upstate. Yes, it has been a LONG time since we were there. The summer past quickly and we never made it up. The older the boys get, the harder it is to get away. Between racing, football, and friend's parties, it has gotten very hard to get away. This doesn't account for the work that is needed to be done around the house. To many excuses made in very few sentences to be away from your family. Grandma looked great. Big Son told me that he will never say good-bye to Grandma again because he is afraid that if he does it will really mean Good-bye. He will only say see-ya, see you next weekend, I love you.

It was so nice on Saturday to be with so many of my cousins (wish they were all there) and aunts and uncles. I miss them all. It was so great to see all the "little" kids be together. Especially my cousins' baby. Seeing the babies of the family always give hope. Especially when the baby of the family is given center stage. It is called hope. Also continuation and the sense of seeing family grow.

As my oldest said this weekend, dont say good-bye. Say "see-ya". Always have hope. Even when hope and your wishes seem far fetched. Never give up

Grandma!!!!!!

My GOD! Where are the words for this post. She is ill. She has been for awhile, but kept quiet (we can only guess). This woman, my grandmother, is the staple of our family. The love her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren have for this LADY is off the charts. This is a woman who gave her life for her children. Make no mistake, my Grandmother feels that her natural children, her Grandchildren, and Great-Grandchildren are all her babies. We all feel the same. She is our Mother Earth. This woman has been rock solid. She will give an opinion. My Grandmother "has been there" for each of her grandchildren, and that is how I can base my opinions.

My Grandmother has given her life to her children. She does not feel the difference between her "born" children and her grandchildren or great grandchildren. What this amazing Woman has done is made sure that she has had a special with all, sorry lost count over 20, of her children, grandchildren, and great-children. If you ask any of my cousins, they will all have something that they have done with Grandma that none of the other cousins have. Each great-grandchild has a near and dear time with Grandma. THAT is what a Grandma does. She has supported ALL of the "older" grandchildren through proms, graduation, marriage, and children. She has always has wanted to be a part of EVERY new birth into Her family. My cousin, 2nd down just had a baby. Grandma is so looking forward to seeing that baby. I know she is itching to hold it in her arms.

This woman, my Grandmother, has been the glue. She has taught so many lessons to all of us. Her family is so important to her. Now there comes a time when she is sick. Extremely so. I feel that she is leaving us. I am not ready for her not to be around for me. I need my Grandma so much that it hurts that Maybe in 2 months I wont hear her voice. Tonight, when she came into the room after having her stint but in, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed with her like I did when I was little. I wanted her to be next to me.

I can't wrap my head around the fact that she will be gone soon. I am blocking it from my head. I don't want her to leave. I need her so much. Her advise is always right. Her love is always there.

I told my boys the truth tonight. As soon as a walked in the door, the wanted to know what was happening with Grandma. I told them the truth. It was the hardest thing I did. Especially after my Mom and Robby called me. The just held me. They don't understand there is nothing to do. They asked if they could not go to school next week to be with Her. THAT is the woman she is. I told them that we were going up this weekend to be with family and celebrate Grandma. Next weekend, maybe, they would have to help her more. The boys don't want to leave Sunday. They are angry there is no cure. They are, a little, angry at her for not getting help sooner. My Big Son sat on my lap tonight and cried. They are scared. So am I. I'm angry. I still need my Grandma. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm devestated.