Grandma!!!!!!

My GOD! Where are the words for this post. She is ill. She has been for awhile, but kept quiet (we can only guess). This woman, my grandmother, is the staple of our family. The love her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren have for this LADY is off the charts. This is a woman who gave her life for her children. Make no mistake, my Grandmother feels that her natural children, her Grandchildren, and Great-Grandchildren are all her babies. We all feel the same. She is our Mother Earth. This woman has been rock solid. She will give an opinion. My Grandmother "has been there" for each of her grandchildren, and that is how I can base my opinions.

My Grandmother has given her life to her children. She does not feel the difference between her "born" children and her grandchildren or great grandchildren. What this amazing Woman has done is made sure that she has had a special with all, sorry lost count over 20, of her children, grandchildren, and great-children. If you ask any of my cousins, they will all have something that they have done with Grandma that none of the other cousins have. Each great-grandchild has a near and dear time with Grandma. THAT is what a Grandma does. She has supported ALL of the "older" grandchildren through proms, graduation, marriage, and children. She has always has wanted to be a part of EVERY new birth into Her family. My cousin, 2nd down just had a baby. Grandma is so looking forward to seeing that baby. I know she is itching to hold it in her arms.

This woman, my Grandmother, has been the glue. She has taught so many lessons to all of us. Her family is so important to her. Now there comes a time when she is sick. Extremely so. I feel that she is leaving us. I am not ready for her not to be around for me. I need my Grandma so much that it hurts that Maybe in 2 months I wont hear her voice. Tonight, when she came into the room after having her stint but in, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed with her like I did when I was little. I wanted her to be next to me.

I can't wrap my head around the fact that she will be gone soon. I am blocking it from my head. I don't want her to leave. I need her so much. Her advise is always right. Her love is always there.

I told my boys the truth tonight. As soon as a walked in the door, the wanted to know what was happening with Grandma. I told them the truth. It was the hardest thing I did. Especially after my Mom and Robby called me. The just held me. They don't understand there is nothing to do. They asked if they could not go to school next week to be with Her. THAT is the woman she is. I told them that we were going up this weekend to be with family and celebrate Grandma. Next weekend, maybe, they would have to help her more. The boys don't want to leave Sunday. They are angry there is no cure. They are, a little, angry at her for not getting help sooner. My Big Son sat on my lap tonight and cried. They are scared. So am I. I'm angry. I still need my Grandma. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm devestated.